I should have had the world by the tail. After all, we had just bought a new house, had two beautiful children, and my hard-working husband made it possible for me to leave teaching and be a stay-at-home mom. What more could I want at 31 years of age? Yet, I felt miserable. My expectations for our marriage, my motherhood, and myself had fallen far short and I had no idea where to turn.
As a wife, I found myself unable to cope with everyday problems. A horrible money manager, I often got us into expensive financial fixes. An unorganized procrastinator, the state of my housekeeping provided continual opportunities for embarrassment. To top it off, I did not deal well with confrontation, so issues in our marriage put me in a tailspin of inadequacy and self-pity. My range of emotions bounced between guilt, frustration, and pent-up anger. I loved motherhood, yet often lacked the patience that mothering a three-year old and a toddler demanded.
No matter how hard I tried to manage my life I always seemed to fail. In crisis, I shared my tale of woe with a girlfriend. She suggested that I talk to her pastor, a plan I fiercely resisted. Still, I was ready to try anything, so I agreed to check out her church. During Sunday school class, I listened and tried to understand. I decided to pursue this route—to give it a chance. Yet not much had changed for me. I still felt despondent.
One day, while my husband worked and my children napped, I walked into a spare bedroom and got down on my knees. In absolute desperation, I cried out to God, “Please, please make me whole.” As I wept alone in that place, the most remarkable thing happened. A sensation of love and utter peace entered at my head and settled at about the level of my heart, as if life poured in filling me up like water into a pitcher. There it remained for several minutes. I did not hear or see anything, but I knew at that moment that God was real, that he loved me, and would answer my heartfelt cry.
It soon became clear that I bore the responsibility for much of my mess and that my pride and self-centered attitude had separated me from my creator. I admitted all of that to God, asked him to forgive me and determined do things his way. I would like to say that my life radically changed, that I got a grip on my identity, and became the perfect wife and mother as every puzzle piece fell neatly into place. However, the truth is that I had only begun my spiritual walk.
Since then, I have grown bit by bit as I entered into this new faith relationship. The guilt left early on when I embraced the gift of total forgiveness through Jesus, God’s son. It has taken longer to let God lead and for me to forgive others, but his love continues to give me that ability. Our three wonderful children now have their own families. My husband and I have both retired and enjoy married life more than ever.
My most awesome realization has been that God is very personal. He communicates, not just through the Bible but also through his spirit. He has given me so much including wisdom, comfort, healing, and the ability to handle life’s challenges. Learning to maintain my end of that relationship has kept me on this faith walk, day by day. Now, I can honestly say that I feel whole.
It is impossible to tell all of my story. So, if you are curious about some part, drop me a note by emailing me at ggirl91919 (ninety-one, ninety-one, nine) at bellsouth dot net. I also welcome your comments, so let me hear from you.
Karen, thank you so much for sharing your story and your walk in faith. It’s so encouraging to all of us who are holding fast to God’s promises regardless of all the outward appearances! God is so amazing in His ability to work so intimately at every level of each and every personality with all the various life challenges and choices for those who ultimately surrender it all over to Him–and somehow create something very unique and worthwhile–to His glory and our edification! I always stand in awe at our incredible Father in heaven and His great love for each and every one of us!
Awesome, awesome. How He changes our lives. I need to start writing myself and putting things down on paper for my grandchildren. Thanks for being my friend. Cherry
Thank you, Cherry.
The very best part of my life has been to know God. Over the years, the relationship has deepened as has my love for Him. I will be eternally thankful.
This testimony is awesome — nothing that you could do — even going to church and trying hard — was good enough to make you whole. And as soon as you cried out in humble recognition of that fact…well, God responded! And He continues to finish His work in you day by day. Beautifully simple truth. May God continue to bless you…
I’m so glad I ‘met’ you on wordpress. I’m glad you’re a christian too. May the Lord bless you and may you glorify Him. Thanks for posting again to my comments. Peace to you today.
So now I know who Morningjoy is. Found you blog while looking through the Nature Blog list. Thank you for all the kind remarks on my blog. I will check yours out. You have some very neat photos , I see.
I, too, am a believer and read your testimony with a smile. It is my testimony with a few details changed.
As I was searching the web for Big Cypress photos I saw yours. Stunning. I downloaded four to use as desktop background on my pc. If you want me to delete the files please let me know.
In His Grace,
Hello, John. I am happy that my testimony rang true for you as well. Please enjoy the Big Cypress photos with my blessing.
Ma’am, I added you to my blogroll. thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Rikizam. I am honored to appear on your blog roll.
Your photography is amazing. Is there a way I can get in touch–there’s a photo on your website I’d really like to use. Please email me when you get a chance.
Through your witness I have experienced a little “morning joy” to start my day. Like you, I had what I would call an event that enabled me to get back on the spiritual journey. Actually, it has been a series of ongoing events that God has used to show me the true way home.
It’s wonderful that not only were your mind and heart opened to the journey, but also your amazing eye for the natural love that has been provided to us.
I look forward to learning more about my fellow traveler.
Kin, thank you so much for taking the time to comment. What you shared means a lot to me. Jesus will never leave or forsake us. Like a shepherd watches over every lamb, He provides the ongoing events that we need to nudge us along the straight and narrow pathway. It is my pleasure as well to meet another traveler. God speed.
Very profound and inspiring Karen! Your testimony confirms what I’ve always believed… that God is all around us and is always there for us. Your photos are a testament to what a breathtakingly beautiful world He created for us. Your blog is truly an inspiration in more ways than one! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and vision and may God continue to bless you in every way possible. 🙂 xo
Thank you, Eve. God is continually blessing me, day by day. I will forever praise him!
I really love this about faith walk Mrs Karen this is what i hope that all woman need to to do the same like you.This also tells me that i know God really have good ladys like you out their who is very humble an put their pride away an have an happy marriage life my God bless you an your husband i watch you an him at the air show that they would not let us in i see that you two were happy an i wish one day God would bless me like you two Mrs. an Mr Gallagher. Im James McIntyre an i love this with all my heart..
What a blessing you are! I am so thankful that the air show brought us all together. God bless you!